A Hiatus Hopes to Conclude Soon ~ Data Analysis Quickie!

Hello again Blogetta! Bloginita! Blogayyah! Blogia-Sophie!

Here are some overdue updates and some quick data analysis I did on a whim. Let’s start with the analysis.

As background info, one of the reasons I left Minneapolis (in addition to the weather destroying my health and wanting to be closer to family after a health scare) was the fact that it kept ending up on all those lists of the worst states for black people. It was a disparity I could feel. I kept slipping beneath the poverty line, made less than $15 an hour at most workplaces, and only broke past the median Black family income for the area ($49,738 in 2024, it was less back 2014-2020) at my final job—my favorite job—which was not-coincidentally a Black-led org. I still regret leaving that job, as it was the most stable I’d been in my life.

In any case, I was discussing the state of racial inequality in CA versus MN with my dad, and I sent him this November 2024 article on The Worst States for Black Americans as support for my arguments. For this project, I spent a couple of hours extracting the data, converting it to a spreadsheet, and turning those spreadsheets into charts and visualizations to put in perspective how my state is treating me.

Let’s count our blessings with facts and logic!

(jk)


First off, here’s the link the spreadsheet of tabular data created after pulling the data and transforming it:

The data from based on “five-year estimates from the U.S. Census Bureau’s 2022 American Community Survey. If this were not a quickie, I would go directly to the US Census Bureau to pull the data myself.
I do love exploring Census data.

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From the spreadsheet, I created a comparison of White American median household income versus Black American median household income, in descending order by income level.

Black people have some of the highest incomes in CA, but the cost of living is higher so that doesn’t tell us much about how well they’re doing.

If you look at the source data, CA is firmly in the middle of the pack in terms at 24th best state for Black Americans. I guess we can conclude that the Black Californian experience is not especially good or bad? It probably varies so widely by city and county that I want to dig in by MSA one day.

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Now we take a look at the first disparity: the difference between median incomes for Black Americans and White Americans:

This is one of the measures in which California is doing quite badly. Black Americans make less money in every state, but in the rags-to-riches Golden State, the difference in average income is over $30k. That’s a whole salary!

But as economically segregated as CA is; MN, IL, and WI are more so. CT and NJ having the highest disparities surprises me, but I don’t know much about the racial dynamics of those states. My bias is that I expect the South to have lower outcomes than it actually does, I admit.

I am fascinated by the equality in Hawaii though! A lot of the states with the lowest income disparities seem to have low Black populations in general, and I wonder if that’s the case with Hawaii. Less community presence, more integration.

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Let’s jump to unemployment rates. This chart is organized by the disparity in unemployment rates between Black and white Americans, organized by state:

The average Black unemployment rate across all states is 8.8% (unweighted by population size) while the average white unemployment rate is closer to 4.4% for an average disparity of 4.4%. CA has a higher Black unemployment rate but a higher white unemployment rate as well—it’s hard for anyone to get a job out here. The disparity between Black and white unemployment is basically in line with the national average, a little bit higher but not to the point I would say that CA is particularly bad at hiring Black folks.

Alaska is the only state where Black unemployment is lower than white unemployment, but I imagine the only Black folks that far north in the cold are there for a reason!
(I actually got to learn a bit about Black folks in Alaska when I was up in Homer. There was even a display in the Anchorage airport, IIRC.)

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Our penultimate measure is the home ownership rate. This chart is organized by size of disparity, where the more equal states are towards the left and the more disparate states are towards the right.

White North Dakotans are more than 5 times as likely to be homeowners than Black North Dakotans, White Mainers are almost three more as likely to be homeowners than Black Mainers, and White Minnesotans are almost 2.7 times more likely to be homeowners.

This chart explains one of the reasons that wealth levels between Black and white Minnesotans and North Dakotans are so unlike: homeownership is a key means of building wealth. Many of the homes in MN and ND (all of those family cabins, for example) were already owned by white Americans before the waves of Black migration shifted its demographics. Red-lining certainly worsened things, but I know this isn’t the only excuse, as older states have successfully become more integrated. On a side note, I am getting a lot of statistical mixed messages about Black folks in New England.

(My hypothesis is that Black people who can’t code-switch well enough often get locked out of the social networks that lead to opportunity and wealth, and that this is less of a problem in low-context cultures, more of a problem in high-context cultures like Minnesota’s. But investigating that would be another project entirely...)

CA is a newer and younger state that low-key had a mixed Black dude as its leader before it was annexed. Black folks have been here since the start, and there’s been less time for European Americans to develop a head start. It’s also a state of transplants rather than exclusive communities, even though we’ve been bleeding Black folks for a while.

But even though Black people can’t afford to buy a home there, neither can anyone else. We all out here renting together! 😂


No, I joke.
CA may have the second-lowest homeownership gap for White Americans, but there’s still a major gap where they are 1.7 times as likely to be homeowners compared to Black Californians. And our housing crisis shows itself in other ways. There’s a statistic about San Diego that I have memorized: “Black San Diegans make up 28% of the homeless population in our region even though they only represent 5% of the overall population.” I could have sworn the numbers were 24% and 6% when I first memorized it, though, so maybe things have gotten worse?

As a final aside, I am intrigued but not surprised by the high rates of Black homeownership in the South. It illustrates how there are different kinds of wealth, different kinds of stability, different kinds of opportunity to aim for… I tend to joke that choosing where to live as a Black person is a Pick-Your-Poison kind of affair, but you could also call it Choose-Your-Own-Adventure if you want to get more glass-half-full with it.

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Final two measures: the size of the Black population by state and the percentage of the population that’s Black.

California has the 6th highest population of Black Americans! But it’s also massive so that only makes sense. (4th biggest economy in the world, woot woot! 💪🏾 Donor state 4 life!)

We’re only 5% of the population here, however. I suspect that this explains the lack of Black community that UCSD colleagues and writer friends have reported feeling in CA.

There are some interesting stories to be found by looking at the correlations between size of Black population, amount of integration, and under what conditions economic success best results. I know there are studies that find that “An overwhelming 70 percent of majority-Black zip codes are distressed, compared to 20 percent of zip codes nationally and 16 percent of majority-white zip codes” and that “The places most conducive to upward mobility include large cities — San Francisco, San Diego, Salt Lake City, Las Vegas and Providence, R.I. — and major suburban counties” and that “The more connections between the rich and poor, the better the neighborhood was at lifting children from poverty”. I’m interested in what all of those studies have to say, but I’m particularly interested in whether Black people with strong Black communities have stronger economic outcomes than Black people in PWI spaces. And even if they do, are they happier?

According to Wikipedia, “As of 2021, California has the largest multiracial African American population by number in the United States,” which tracks with my experience of SD. So many mixed couples! Including me and my partner so I can’t even complain! UGH!

Anyway, this was fun!


OTHER UPDATES:

WRITING:
I finished draft one in September/October, gave it to the editor, got my second editorial letter, and now I’m one scene away from completing the second draft. I am stuck on this final scene, so I am asking the editor for help. I got to see sketches for the possible cover, so the book has been seeming more and more real as of late.

Once the cover is confirmed, I will switch to promotion mode. At that point, you won’t be able to shut me up about the book.

READING:
For a while, I was attempting to read all of the New York Times’ top 100 Best Books of the 21st Century that I haven’t read, but too many of them were boring—no, I'm exaggerating. They’re just not for me.
Someday, I'll get around to reading Bolano because I own both 2666 and The Savage Detectives, but I will NEVER read Jonathan Franzen and you can't make me!

As of now, I’ve been aiming to read 25-50 of the list that interests me while mixing in a good 25 books from my 200-book library. I wish someone would make a list of the top 100 speculative fiction novels of the 21st Century. Also, the Neopolitan Quartet is so good it’s unfair. Maybe I’ll just read a lot of Elena Ferrante this year, who knows? She makes me feel alive.

DATA:
I finished the Tableau certificate and started on the Google Advanced Data Analytics Professional Certificate as noted above, but I need to balance that with independent projects. I’m being a perfectionist about the next project, but it’s going to be on my Tableau page, which I plan to prune soon. I’ve been looking for opportunities to do volunteer data analytics so that I can work on more real-world problems with real-world datasets. The projects I create for myself tend to be a little lighter in tone and are more designed to show my interests (writing, demographics, anime, etc).

LIFE:
I grew tired of San Diego's skid row (although it did wind up in my novel in a scene or two) and now live in North Park, which I love.

I have finally found a good therapist here in San Diego, and she specializes in neurodivergence. Based on her diagnosis (and my Hasan-beating high score on the RAADS test), now I need to grapple with the fact that I might have Autism and CPTSD and social anxiety stemming from living with those.

It turns out that I might be right when I sense that someone dislikes me on first impression for no real reason, as that’s a common implicit bias neurodivergent people face. I’m beginning to wrap my mind around some past encounters and realizing that our disagreements may not have been an issue of me miscommunicating as much as it was an example of the double-empathy problem. There are a lot of small things that, rather than blaming them on myself, may turn out to be bias from the other person. So that has been something to deal with.

I’ve low-key been putting friendships on hold as I develop a new personal story, given that Maya Amasses the Skills and Experiences to Defeat Social Anxiety has a different goal, conflict, and narrative arc from Maya Builds Relationships Strong Enough to Heal from Childhood Neglect or from Maya Discovers the Tools and Allies to Aid her Acceptance of Monotropic Neurodivergence. And if I have all the above? That’s too cluttered of a plot. Never mind it. We should trim that for the audience’s ease of understanding.

I am jealous of autistic supports, though. I want to be given direct instructions, I want to be taken at my word, I want to work on spreadsheets and databases in a quiet office where I’m allowed to wear headphones and sing along if the feeling strikes me. I wanted the accommodations from the neurodiversity training that my last job made me take, all the accommodations they didn’t offer me.

I’m realizing that I’ve been lucky in that the majority of my job offered me these supports as built-in benefits. Now that I’m working on a career change, I need to be ready to explicitly request accommodations, and I may need a formal diagnosis for that. I will keep looking for more naturally supportive workplace like those I was fortunate to find in the past, however. Either works!

Oh, but did you know that “Black Women Lost The Most Jobs In April and Changes In DEI Could Partially Be To Blame”?

So I’m not alone, at least. Call me weird, but the right statistics can calm me during tough times. This stat is depressing in the big picture, however, emblematic of how some people want to send this nation sliding backwards due to greed.

Unemployment got me feeling like nobody’s in my corner too often, so sometimes I just need to sit down and count how many folks have helped me out—it’s definitely more than zero!

I’ll let myself rest, let myself brood just enough, and then get back to Acting As If there’s a place that values me enough to pay me what I’m worth. I’ve found such places before, and I can do it again.

Anywho, it’s time to get to my Databases with Python class.
Hajoghutyun!

I cut my original reason for including this image, but here is an old, old photo of me dressed up to usher for the Oscars. I did not know how to style my hair back then. lol


A Hiatus Continues? ~ What I'm reading ~

Ahoy-hoy, Dear LiveJournal!

I will not be resuming the Story Data Stories just yet, but I do have Updates regarding it!

My perfectionist behind has finally completed the Google Data Analytics capstone and it can be seen here or here as well as my GitHub portfolio. This project makes it look like I can code in Python, but I don’t yet believe that. I need to take another course to be sure.

Similarly, while the Google cert hypothetically taught me R, I want to do another project or take another class until I believe I can use it.

That said, I've completed enough courses on Tableau that I’m three-fourths done with my next cert!

I’ll be keeping my completed homework assignments on my Tableau Public page with the assumption that there’s nothing wrong with transparency as you learn.

I find Tableau quite fun! I plan to add more projects with greater style, complexity, and skill. Likely, the rest of the SDStories will be hosted here. I’ve long known what kind of visualizations I want to use (sankey, chord, dumbbell chart, dendrogram/tree, etc…). Now that Tableau is becoming intuitive to me, I feel like I’ll be able to do these more quickly.

At some point, I will boast about all of this growth on LinkedIn but I want to do more conscious lurking first, boost up others before I say a thing about myself. First I’ll post about some of the community orgs whose events I went to. Destination Joy was fun, I hopefully made new friends at the local creative meetup, there’s a good number of urbanist groups my partner has introduced me to, and I need to overcome my night-owl ways in order to attend the next Creative Mornings—such a fan of that space.

I can’t shake the feeling that I need to do more and more and ever more to show up on social media, and that I don’t deserve to post if I’m not minding my 3Cs. I was so worried that my request for support in my job search would result in radio silence. (Classic social anxiety-haver…) But even as I was drafting this post, two friends sent me opportunities, serving as direct evidence that my worst fears are less justified than thought.

Take that pessimism! We got two more points on the side of optimism today. At this rate, I won’t be able to claim I have little/no friends/community soon.


Updates on the jobs front:

I said yes to a temp job at the county!

However, “the average time to hire in the public sector is 119 days, which is almost four months, according to research by NEOGOV.” “State governments in the public sector have the shortest time-to-hire, filling open positions in 96 days, on average. The local level takes the longest, where government agencies need an average of 130 days to find a qualified hire”.

Thank You Public Sector, Very Cool!

I have moved forward a bit in one of the opportunities I have my fingers crossed for.

As for the other opportunity, hmmm… I’ve spoken with some helpful people and had indications of good news. I think my chances and choices have broadened, but I got some following-up to do today.

Oh, and I will be going to XOXO Fest this weekend! It was my partner’s idea—he’s been before and is already in Portland for it, texting me about how their best-in-the-nation airport has gotten even better. Recently, he has been into “rawdogging” flights, so naturally we’ve been talking about semantic bleaching. Gosh, I love that dude.


On the writing front:

My lovely editor agreed to give me until the end of the month, so I’ve been plugging away.

Recently made it out of writing block, so that's good. I keep getting stuck on the scenes having to do with the mother’s mental illness, which is not surprising at all. 😓 I’m trying to balance scientifically accurate with true to my experience of my mother’s mental illness with not too traumatizing for the target audience. I swear I gave myself Medical Student’s Disease by researching prodromal symptoms. I had to stop and take a quick Do I Have Schizophrenia? test, just to be sure.

(My results were 0 out of 97. “You have answered this schizophrenia screening in such a way as to suggest that you are not likely currently suffering from schizophrenia or a schizophrenia-related disorder.” Well, it’s good to be certain! I’m sometimes paranoid that people are secretly reading this blog and then giving vague or indirect responses online or in person. I usually tell myself that it’s all in my head though. If anyone has something to say to you, they’d say it directly because they know you’re a part-time anxious overthinker, part-time obtuse himbo who can’t read a room.)

This book is hard to write, though! It’s hard, I admit it.

It’s a vibey kids’ book about witches, yes, but it’s also about marronage and therefore necessarily about the reverberations of slavery and the thin line between exclusion and seclusion. So yes, I’m influenced by other kids books like the Tristan Strong series (I’m big fan of Kwame Mbalia, especially his newsletter), there’s also the influence of reading Black Marxism, Lose Your Mother, and Dawn of Everything: A New History of Humanity as I was drafting it.

Even in the most recent scene, I am proud of myself for working in a reference to Ghanian witch camps in a way that adults can understand but kids may only intuit. My goal is to create something that sticks with kids until they become adults, and then they go back and reread it. “I want to write a classic” is a lofty goal, I know, but lofty goals are my modus operandi.

It's been grounding for me to be writing in San Diego about San Diego, though. I can catch sight of my inner child if I look around the block, try some Internal Family Systems ish, or do the right amount of edibles. Recently, my eczema was acting up due to stress so I took my macbook, my swimsuit, and a beach chair to write on Coronado Beach while getting darker and hotter. I finished a chapter that way.

Lastly, I failed to win a major grant recently. 😢 I’m dragging my heels on letting all my mentors know that their references came to naught. It’s hard to be too upset if the granter in question has shifted from a “big money to individuals in the know” model to a “big money for community orgs that serve everyone” model. Good on you, EG. (I just wish you funded me first.)


I feel like I don't talk about books enough for a literary person so behold: a performance of my participation in literary culture.

After seeing Patrice Caldwell of Phoenix Must First Burn fame posted about it in a super relatable blog post, I started reading listening to What My Bones Know. It also happens to be one of the handful of books a brilliant relative of mine gifted another relative of mine in hopes it would spur them to try therapy. One of the relatives has a CPTSD diagnosis (like me! They also did a multi-hour multi-day psychological battery) and had already read the book.

The other relative is my dad (lol). He has so many symptoms of CPTSD and a life much more hardscrabble than mine, but doesn’t fully believe in mental illness. Obnoxious daughter that I am, I have been pressuring him to read the book, because it’s good medicine.

I kept texting the relative who recommended it: "This is a thing?" or "So that's why that happens…" or "This explains so much!" or “Shoot, I need to work on that.” Some of Stephanie’s insights were kind of “Wait, that’s part of the pattern?” Like, this book also explained why reproductive issues run in my family. Not only did it teach me about emotional flashbacks, I realized some of the ways in which I’ve been placing myself in situations that reinforce and justify maladaptations. Just last week, these insights led me to crying in my partner's arms like an actual emotion-having human person. That's quite impressive for someone who cries as rarely as I do.

I may be a snob about most popular things but this book is a bestseller for a reason. I would recommend it to every other POC in America, particularly the high-achieving children of immigrants or socially-mobile parents. (A+++ Would hawk harder than an MLM girly.) I plan to discuss it with my next therapist, although therapy is also on hiatus.

I won't be giving a more thorough book report because book reviews are unpaid labor. JK—I hope to talk more openly about books once I have the stability of a job. This too is on hold.

That said, here are six books I have all started to read & quite enjoy:

One is by a friend/colleague and helps me feel less alone, one is super indie but similarly speaks to shared Black female/femme experiences, one is a kids book from one of the authors I most admire in this space, and one is by my favorite living writer working her usual magic. The other two just caught my eye in their respective bookstores. I haven’t been devouring them like I did What My Bones Know, but they’re all enjoyable in ways I’m too tired to verbalize.

I also keep buying colleagues’ books. For months, I’ve been dragging my heels on making an Insta post about how I have enough of those to fill a shelf or two. At some point, I plan to post something like even if I'm not loud about it, I support you! I’m afraid the admiration is one-sided, however, hence the heel-dragging.

I halfway feel like I've been too stressed for fiction recently¹. Since 2016, I've been turning to nonfiction more. Nonfiction can teach concrete & real things about the world, whereas fiction can feel too akin to withdrawing from the world instead of participating in it. Publishing is slow, but the Internet is hyper-topical in its breaking news, current events, and local concerns. Nonfiction offers the possibility of becoming a better person in terms of material conditions, whereas fiction is more like an immersive thought experiment—and I say this as a lover of thought experiments!

I've also been reading a lot of nonfiction for my thesis novel. For the heck of it, here's the slide on representative texts that I created for my thesis defense presentation:

I own all the books on these lists, but am ashamed to admit that I haven't finished every one of them. They are the highest priority reads for my current project. I’ve since added Ours by Phillip Williams to the TBR pile of my personal library. I also want to add Abeni's Song by P. Djèlí Clark, Adia Kelbara and the Circle of Shamans by Isi Hendrix, and Keynan Masters and the Peerless Magic Crew by DaVaun Sanders to my middle grade to-read list, but haven’t bought them yet.

That said, I feel a bit estranged from the literary world and likely won't feel part of it until this novel is out. I suck at finding beta and alpha readers so this is my Mathersian one shot to introduce my writing to the world and see who it excites, who’s on a similar wave, who wants to trade work and grow together. Hopefully, the strength of the work will lead reciprocity to me—even if from existing connections.

And because I have been dangerously influenced by manga and anime, I’m tempted to declare rivalry to those who have pulled ahead of me in terms of literary success. I vow to reach the same stage someday and have them acknowledge me as an equal!

Something silly like that, haha.

A Hiatus

It's been a while! I'm just going to give you an update before I say goodbye for a couple weeks or months.

On the data analytics front, I recently completed a SQL certificate with honors. I had started to doubt my skills in SQL, so completing this course was useful for me to reaffirm my knowledge. I still need to develop a project that will let me show off my SQL abilities on my resume.

Secondly, I've started a different course focused on Tableau. I similarly have been doubting my Tableau skills so I wanted to take the course focusing on data visualization. I ended up signing up for the entire 8-course certificate (I'm 3/8ths through!) so let's work this big ole brain and see how quickly I can finish it—and with an A, of course.

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In any case, the writing and the job search are currently battling for highest priority in my life while data analytics will take a backseat until I feel more economically stable.

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How MENSA Improved my Mental Health

Last year, I joined MENSA.

As a joke, mostly.

But also because it was a childhood dream of the Maya who picked up that those in my intersecting social categories were often dehumanized, who realized that she was good at school, who yearned for meritocracy to be a real deciding factor in the world, and who believed that education was the path to a successful and prosperous future.

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But what if you never get better? & other small reckonings

You ever have an epiphany, forget you had it, and rerealize it?

I recently rerealized that some people who think they like me actually like who they think I would be if I magically stopped having social anxiety and became more confident. People don't like "Bad Vibes" so having a mental illness that makes you permanently a bit neurotic makes you less appealing, less attractive.

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dreams of a gay myspace killer

I spend a lot of time wondering what it would look like if Facebook were rooted in the science of relationships and positive psychology instead of capitalism and the science of addiction.

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Rather than the whiplash of seeing newborn announcements, police assault videos, global crises in headline, and metaironic memes with a mayfly lifespan all colliding into each other; maybe Grammarly-style tone detectors could suggest post categorizations that people could either accept or insert their own. Those categories could be used to filter the timeline: I may want only to see pet photos today, but tomorrow I may review which of my queer friends in crisis are holding GoFundMes. If I’m well enough the day after, I will review everyone’s achievements and life updates with only compersion without envy.

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I am trying my best to not be a lizzo hater, but...

I doubt myself a lot; I probably always will.

I think a lot about the time a (female) interviewer told me straight out that she chose a (male) candidate over me because he had more confidence. Interviewers have told me I lack confidence multiple times.

I think a lot about the (Black female) recruiter who boasted of lowballing her client because her client didn't think to ask for more. "I just offered a candidate $85,000 for a job that had a budget of $130,000. I offered her that because that’s what she asked for and I personally don’t have the bandwidth to give lessons on salary negotiation." She said, and tagged it #beconfident.

Not all skinfolk are kinfolk, I know. But if it's feminist to use the “insecure” or “ignorant” as lessons in this way, then I want none of it.

I'm alive only because of the softness of others.

The people who claim the world is a cold cruel place and no one’s going to hold your hand or coddle you are 100% the people making the world cold and cruel in the first place lmao

I also apologize a lot; it's ingrained in me by now.

I think a lot about the time a white woman coworker told me to apologize less and to say "thank you" more, "You should try that." I distinctly remember how certain she was as she told me—not suggesting, but commanding with an air of annoyance.

I think a lot about the time Lizzo, one of the music world’s loudest drumbeaters for self-esteem, angrily condemned music writers to unemployment because a (fellow Black female) music reviewer gave Lizzo a very critical review.

If that is what confidence looks like, I'd rather remain apologetic. I will apologize for apologizing, again and again.

i remain wary of unkinfolk, and devote my mind to the women, the black women, the black men, and the others who upheld my watery, airy self in interviews, as supervisors, as colleagues, and role models. i want to thank every one—gratitude inflates me & i no longer need to apologize once i am allowed to.


still, my brain returns to that ex-coworker and all the other shapes she may take. i wonder if she, in another body, told tell bell hooks to capitalize her name so that she doesn't look like she's downplaying herself.

i wonder if she told bell hooks to write her name in all caps: “other wise the world won’t take you seriously. otherwise, the world/i will can’t support you. Other wise I (the world) will eat you alive.”